In the last blog I talked about what made me an above average mum. I hope you agreed with some of my tips but also that it made you think about what made you amazing as a mum! In this blog I’m going to list some of the things that change me from an amazing mum to an average mum and I promise that I haven’t just written the opposite of the last blog!
- I shout……a lot! If you have read any of my earlier blogs you will know that The Chimp Paradox changed my life. For a short time it did actually stop me shouting, but not for very long.
- I am always busy and…..shock horror…..it isn’t always doing things for the children! Is it wrong, when you’re a mum, to have a life that isn’t all about your children?
- I leave everything to the last minute, which is where a lot of point 1 comes in, and then expect everything to go smoothly.
- I have a short temper. This might be expected as I’m only 5 foot tall, and maybe I do have little woman syndrome, but I can really lose it. There are some things that are directly related to the children but there is also a large part of it where I just snap. This is also where one of the reasons why I’m amazing mum comes into it, I say sorry when I am wrong, you need to when you have a short temper!
- I expect the kids to be self sufficient, to a certain degree. When they are 15 and 13 there does come a point where they need to be able to do somethings for themselves. Am I wrong? Should I be getting their breakfast ready when they are teenagers? Where does it stop? Should I be getting their uniform ready on a morning?
That’s it! It’s all I can think of! What does that say about me as a person? Maybe it’s because I’ve got over the hardest thing, i.e.the part when they are a little? Was I a worse parent then?
It’s strange to not be able to think of even things to make me a bad parent, normally I am really introspective about my faults and can easy list tons of them. I suppose if you try hard enough and believe that you put your children first, in the best way you can, then you are a good mum or can at least think you are.
So, just to even the score up I will list reasons why I believe the outside world (or female daily mail readers!) will think I am a bad mum and some of those might be the same as the 5 above:
- I work full time and I have since the children were born. I remember when I was pregnant with Kevin and, not long after he was born, mum said to me “you better be going back to work!”. This is fine because my mum is lovely but tact is not really her thing! The nicer way to say it (and what she actually meant) was “You studied really hard to have a career, don’t feel like you have to quit because you have a baby”.
- My friendships aren’t based around the children and the family. I have some friends which are parents of my children’s friends but that’s because I genuinely like them not because my entire life is built around the kids
- I am strict where discipline is concerned. I have smacked my children (please don’t get me arrested!) and I have even sworn at them am on a handful of occasions generally due to my short temper and my brush with depression and anxiety.
- I don’t cook. I have tried and when the kids were little I made all their food and froze it for the coming week. Every day they went to the child minder with their little tubs of frozen food ready for dinnertime (lunch if you’re not from Yorkshire!) but I don’t really cook proper meals.
- I enjoy time without the children. Mr Roberts and I have a rule when we go out that we don’t talk about the children. This is because we didn’t want to become one of those couples who, once the children have grown up, have nothing to talk about. I agree going out with my own friends too, I have a drink a dance and enjoy a child free evening.
But you know what? I’m not really bothered about whether the outside world thinks I’m a bad mum. You can’t please all the people all the time and the people who are close to me think I’m a good mum, or at least recognise that I’m doing my best! The only person I have to look at in the mirror is me and I have no worries about that because I see a person who is trying!
I’d really enjoy listening to your feedback on whether on my view of what makes a bad mum against what I think the public makes me a bad mum, but please don’t troll me!!