A List of the bad things which make an average mum

In the last blog I talked about what made me an above average mum. I hope you agreed with some of my tips but also that it made you think about what made you amazing as a mum! In this blog I’m going to list some of the things that change me from an amazing mum to an average mum and I promise that I haven’t just written the opposite of the last blog!

  1. I shout……a lot! If you have read any of my earlier blogs you will know that The Chimp Paradox changed my life. For a short time it did actually stop me shouting, but not for very long.
  2. I am always busy and…..shock horror…..it isn’t always doing things for the children! Is it wrong, when you’re a mum, to have a life that isn’t all about your children?
  3. I leave everything to the last minute, which is where a lot of point 1 comes in, and then expect everything to go smoothly.
  4. I have a short temper. This might be expected as I’m only 5 foot tall, and maybe I do have little woman syndrome, but I can really lose it. There are some things that are directly related to the children but there is also a large part of it where I just snap. This is also where one of the reasons why I’m amazing mum comes into it, I say sorry when I am wrong, you need to when you have a short temper!
  5. I expect the kids to be self sufficient, to a certain degree. When they are 15 and 13 there does come a point where they need to be able to do somethings for themselves. Am I wrong? Should I be getting their breakfast ready when they are teenagers? Where does it stop? Should I be getting their uniform ready on a morning?

That’s it! It’s all I can think of! What does that  say about me as a person? Maybe it’s because I’ve got over the hardest thing, i.e.the part when they are a little? Was I a worse parent then?

It’s strange to not be able to think of even things to make me a bad parent, normally I am really introspective about my faults and can easy list tons of them. I suppose if you try hard enough and believe that you put your children first, in the best way you can, then you are a good mum or can at least think you are.

So, just to even the score up I will list reasons why I believe the outside world (or female daily mail readers!) will think I am a bad mum and some of those might be the same as the 5 above:

  1. I work full time and I have since the children were born. I remember when I was pregnant with Kevin and, not long after he was born, mum said to me “you better be going back to work!”. This is fine because my mum is lovely but tact is not really her thing! The nicer way to say it (and what she actually meant) was “You studied really hard to have a career, don’t feel like you have to quit because you have a baby”.
  2. My friendships aren’t based around the children and the family. I have some friends which are parents of my children’s friends but that’s because I genuinely like them not because my entire life is built around the kids
  3. I am strict where discipline is concerned. I have smacked my children (please don’t get me arrested!) and I have even sworn at them am on a handful of occasions generally due to my short temper and my brush with depression and anxiety.
  4. I don’t cook. I have tried and when the kids were little I made all their food and froze it for the coming week. Every day they went to the child minder with their little tubs of frozen food ready for dinnertime (lunch if you’re not from Yorkshire!) but I don’t really cook proper meals.
  5. I enjoy time without the children. Mr Roberts and I have a rule when we go out that we don’t talk about the children. This is because we didn’t want to become one of those couples who, once the children have grown up, have nothing to talk about. I agree going out with my own friends too, I have a drink a dance and enjoy a child free evening.

But you know what? I’m not really bothered about whether the outside world thinks I’m a bad mum. You can’t please all the people all the time and the people who are close to me think I’m a good mum, or at least recognise that I’m doing my best! The only person I have to look at in the mirror is me and I have no worries about that because I see a person who is trying!

I’d really enjoy listening to your feedback on whether on my view of what makes a bad mum against what I think the public makes me a bad mum, but please don’t troll me!!

Advertisements

The Power of the Universe

6th June to 8th June

So, if you read the last blog you’ll know that I had a bit of a wobble last week with my confidence. I’ve also written a lot about the development books that I have been reading. I’m not very good at starting self-help books but I am even worse at finishing them! So, as I’ve been feeling a bit shaky I thought I would go back to the one that changed my live in the first place…The Chimp Paradox. I am not very good at reading (or listening to) self- help books but I am even worse at finishing them! I have slipped back into some bad habits of late, losing my sense of humour and getting wound up at some of the littlest things. It instantly made me start to feel better, if only because it reminded me that I have a human brain and a chimp brain and to decide which one should be in charge at which time.

One of the other books I have been listening was “The Secret” and also “Think and Grow Rich” both of which talk about how thinking about positive things help them come to you. Well bizarrely the section of The Chimp Paradox I started listening to was talking about being with your troop and how the chimp and the human handle being in groups of people. The chimp wants only to be with close friends and family who they know love and care about you, whereas the human is taught to be friends with everyone. Isn’t it bizarre that just when I needed to know why someone who I didn’t know very well could make me question myself I turned to that section of the book. Maybe what we put out into the universe can come back to us?

Arbonne finally had a flash sale! When they do one of these sales they have really good free gifts. This particular offer was a free RE9 Advanced for Men Anti-Ageing Moisturiser, a free RE9 Advanced for Men Eye Repair Cream and an Arbonne Gym bag. One of my contacts was ready to sign up as a Preferred Client so we put everyone’s orders together to ensure that she achieved the required level of sale and she got the free gift. Arbonne have also made some amazing changes to the Preferred Client offer which include free delivery and a free gift when you sign up…..on top of a discount of at least 20%!! If you aren’t sure if it’s for you then there is a 45-day money back guarantee on Preferred Client!!

I also met up with some old friends on Wednesday evening. We all used to work together until the end of June/July 2015 and, I have to confess, I did worry that we wouldn’t have much in common once we had all left work but I shouldn’t have worried. The conversation flowed as usual. I also gave out some Arbonne samples because some of them would be excellent consultants!!

Next time…..we cover the national press!

 

I forgot something really important!!!!

I’ve decided to carry on with the rambling method and just pray that someone will tell me to stop when they have had enough. Maybe I’m assuming that everyone is as forthright as me but as it’s all done behind the safety of a keyboard maybe I’m just not creating enough of a stir to get a response at all!

Apart from my ever supportive mum of course….love you mum! I honestly can’t think of anything where my lovely mum hasn’t supported me 100%. Don’t get me wrong she doesn’t always agree with what I do but she does support me. If you are lucky enough to still have your mum in your life then make sure you appreciate her. I know they can be really annoying sometimes (sorry mum…..remember the “love you” comment above xx) but seriously please appreciate them while you’ve got them.

Just a little caveat to the above paragraph……if she is a weirdo mother who has never lifted a finger to help you in your life and only ever looked out for herself. In that case you might want to put her in the “don’t need you in my life” bin and happily move on with your life knowing it’s better without her in it.

Anyway, I digress. If you’re new to this blog then you will need to get used to that, this blog is quickly turning from a structured accountancy style document into something much like my every day conversations….it lurches from one subject to another until we get back to the subject we started on. Unless we are talking accountancy at which point I then become uber professional, obvs!

So, back to the thing I forgot. The Chimp Paradox. One of the things that Arbonne encourage you to do is to read self help books which, I admit, is not something that I am really into. I’d rather sit down with a good novel if I’m honest. But I went to a networking event and listened to a lady speaking who recommended a book called The Chimp Paradox and it has changed my life! I’m not going to insult the great Professor Steve Peters by trying to explain the whole concept in my little blog but it talks about your subconscious mind and your conscious mind and the chimp on your shoulder. Learning to control my chimp and knowing when it is the chimp reacting and when it is the human side reacting has helped my relationship with Mr Roberts massively. Not that the he knows about the chimp. Can you imagine??? Every time we have a disagreement out would come the “it’s the chimp” line….you know ladies like the “are you getting your period?” question.

Following on from this massive shift along came the amazing Jo Howarth. I met the amazing Jo at one of my networking events and, although having already known her for a couple of months, reading The Chimp Paradox made me realise that I needed to do something about my subconscious mind in order to move forward. Now, just like the previous paragraph about The Chimp Paradox, I am not going to try to explain exactly what Jo does but lets just say that she teaches how to choose happiness every single day!

More on my hypnotherapy another time and what it is that I think needs to change and if, like I said at the beginning of this post, I completely forget to come back to it comment and remind me please………….memory like a sieve

Hope you enjoy the ramble!